started off with chilling with ian. he’s like an older brother + father figure + best friend. we had good and transparent talks. i’m never afraid to share even the stupidest things with him
then went to dinner and meeting. ian sat next to me and i was laughing the WHOLE time (thankful for that too…otherwise i would have been bored and upset for 4 hours)
ian brings me back down to earth. he tells me when i’m wrong. he tells me when i’m not wrong. he especially reminds me when i’m not wrong but i’m telling myself i am.
then after talked with gavin and wallace. wallace was a co-leader for my table talk last week…and we “click” well i guess you could say. funny how he was my sunday school teacher a while back :P
also got good interview advice and stuff from gavin. i really like how he presents/carries himself. laughed a lot with them too
then got to talk to an acquaintance. from the start of the convo, we were pretty good acquaintances. by the end of the conversation, we were good friends. she is very empowering, and like ian, she brings me back down to earth and reminds me of the truth. it’s so peaceful and relieving to have people like that in your life
i find myself more extroverted now a days…feeding off the energy and conversation with other people and loving it. i guess it just takes the “right” people to make an introvert more extroverted :)
i told myself i loved me…
from the size of every body part to the features and flaws on my face
i told myself “i’m sorry” more than 14 times…
for feeding myself lies because they were less calories
for drowning myself in guilt and misery
for putting myself in lose-lose situations, then making myself believe i was stuck there
for letting fear and low self-confidence stop me from doing things i wanted to do
for settling and taking things i did not deserve, because i told myself i probably DID deserve it
for losing hope
for choosing to wallow in negativity instead of reminding myself of the greater truth of positivity
for treating myself AND letting myself be treated less than i should be
for holding on to toxic people because i told myself i would never be able to meet or relate to anyone more
i’m making peace with my past, even though it’s ugly. i’m moving forward in life, and i’m not going to let anything hold me down from that…no one or thing has that power over me anymore.
A critical person makes you forget that there are good parts of youJH (“People to Avoid for Happiness”)
maaan i remember this day like it was yesterday.
it was late. we were cramped in the small chapel watching louie giglio on the screen. i should have been tired…..since i hadn’t ate much all day/just got back from travelling/all the emotional strain on me
and then i watched this video. lots of people had fallen asleep cuz it was like 11pm. i was wide awake. i couldn’t ignore what he was saying. every sentence was striking a nerve. everything he said was the answer to my months of searching and destruction.
i was bawling. everything was becoming real. i’d experienced the holy spirit and spiritual highs and all that before, but THIS feeling was so much more indescribable and priceless. i couldn’t talk. my mind was racing. it was pulling up bible verses and stories from as far as i can remember, and they were all finally becoming REAL. my heart felt funny. my flesh felt weightless.
even dwelling upon this night for 3+ years, i still can’t find the words to describe it. it was 100% God. burdens and pain were being relieved. i was feeling so many positive emotions i hadn’t felt in such a long time
i saw no other way to live except for God. how i was living before didn’t make sense anymore. i was scribbling in my journal, trying to record how i was feeling. but i couldn’t grasp an inch to capture how God was working…as i still can’t today.
God used this man’s sermon to save my life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAzCP8SEKwc
of course, this isn’t going to speak to everything like how it spoke to me. but just in case anyone is interested :)